Yesterday my brother and I went to the city to do some important Christmas shopping (his girlfriend). And I found the Boney M Christmas soundtrack on CD (my mom has the tape and her tape player won't play it anymore...plus you don't have to flip the CD ever!). So I spent today making candy cane popcorn, nanaimo bars and listening to 80's Christmas music. (80's Jamaican *?* Christmas music?)I also went skiing and have been reading Sense and Sensibility.
"Now, how on earth can she be spending so much time doing nothing useful?" you may be wondering.
It's cuz i'm DONE SCHOOL! And won't be starting my new job in Winnipeg until January 12th. (but I've discovered that I am rather fond of this whole no obligations life and maybe will just find some way to get married and have babies instead of working.)
I'm quite terrified be the whole idea of Winnipeg, but it's this crazy thing that I am supposed to actually do. One day I prayed and asked for some sort of reassurance that it was the right choice and the next day I went to Ft. Edmonton park for the Storytellers Festival and there were tonnes of things about Winnipeg there. So I decided that yeah, I should go. But lately I've been having serious doubts for various reasons (fear, it's not easy to move across the country in January, walks around parks filled with Christmas lights in the snow...). And oddly whenever I was seriously considering staying Winnipeg references would come up. My patients would say something about it, or wear a T-shirt that says "Winnipeg". So, i'm thinking that there is something for me to learn out there. Or my mind is just desperately grasping at straws to rationalise this plan of mine. Ha.
But really I am so excited about my job and the people I am going to get to share this next part of my life with.
Anyway, I haven't got anything really profound to share. Just whatever the future holds. I'll try and keep you updated.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Saturday, November 22, 2008
What's In a Name?
This week (and of course by week I mean weekend) at the hospital I have had a patient who knows my name. I introduced myself when I was first assigned to him on Friday and he told me that his mother had my name (which makes it a lot easier to remember). So really, I guess not all that remarkable. But then, he uses my name. He calls me by my name. He introduced me to his wife and daughter by my name and now they call me by my name. Today they said "Hi Katie, how are you today?"
It's made me realize that we (or at least I) don't name people a lot. In most of my e-mails and text messages I say "Hey" or "Hello" and then blast off into whatever the message is going to say. On the unit it's "8 bed 1 wants a pain killer, 14 needs to go to the bathroom, 32 needs to be turned" Which I understand because it's the best way to keep everything straight...trying to remember where 19 patients are (when they can change daily) is hard, but I tend to try to say "Mrs. X in 8-1 wants a pain killer, Mr. V in 14 needs to go to the bathroom, etc"
Because it's great to be named. I think it's fantastic that Mr. H calls me Katie, says "good morning Katie" and introduces me to his visitors.
It's interesting.
And I'm going to try to use peoples names more often. So that maybe they'll feel special too. Or maybe it's just me...and I'm crazy.
It's made me realize that we (or at least I) don't name people a lot. In most of my e-mails and text messages I say "Hey" or "Hello" and then blast off into whatever the message is going to say. On the unit it's "8 bed 1 wants a pain killer, 14 needs to go to the bathroom, 32 needs to be turned" Which I understand because it's the best way to keep everything straight...trying to remember where 19 patients are (when they can change daily) is hard, but I tend to try to say "Mrs. X in 8-1 wants a pain killer, Mr. V in 14 needs to go to the bathroom, etc"
Because it's great to be named. I think it's fantastic that Mr. H calls me Katie, says "good morning Katie" and introduces me to his visitors.
It's interesting.
And I'm going to try to use peoples names more often. So that maybe they'll feel special too. Or maybe it's just me...and I'm crazy.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
from the hospital
It's my 2nd of 3 night shifts and tonight i'm on first break which means i'm on break from 0130 to 0300. So I decided I had better update since Katie does read this.
For starters: if you find yourself wondering when you can watch a nice old shoot-em-up movie I can tell you that CBC has them on like right now.
My schooling is apparently picking up speed. I've passed my midterm evaluation and am aiming for December 11th as my last shift as a student (and for the record Sunday night is going to be the LAST night shift I work without being paid!) And once the school is done I guess I have to start real life...and what better place to start real life than Winnipeg? (ok, so there are probably way more exciting, exotic, or warmer places...but I think Winnipeg is a good place to start for me). I just have to update my resume and actually send it. I keep procrastinating. Shame on me.
Hospitals are very quiet at night. And dark.
I've recently become very addicted to Prison Break. My roommate Kyle and I watched all of Season 1 in less than a week and then the moment we finished it he went and got the 2nd season from our neighbours. But he took the 2nd disc with him to Vermillion for the weekend. Not impressed (although I didn't even realize he had taken it until he told me in a text message today...but I feel that I ought to be unimpressed on principle). It's a good story. Dthat's pretty easy to get caught in. And it helps that Michael is really really good looking. And an engineer. And you know what they say about nurses and engineers (ok so I don't actually know what they say about nurses and engineers so if you do...please enlighten me!)
So instead of noticing that disc 2 was missing I watched Penelope. It was a cute movie and I liked the story but by far the best part (and the only person I know who would actually appreciate this little story is Aaron and i'm not sure if he reads this...) was at the end of the movie when he just realizes it's her and the background music starts to play. Like 3 notes in i'm standing up on the couch yelling "It's Hoppipola!!" Great song.
I feel so random and disconnected tonight. And while my phone is great because I get to sit in the lounge chair with a warm blanket (probably the best part about being in the hospital...I'm telling you! If you ever have to be in the hospital ask for a warm blanket every chance you can, you'll regret it otherwise)but my phone screen doesn't really give me an accurate impression of just how much I am making you read. So I think I shall just end here for now and start updating more frequently.
For starters: if you find yourself wondering when you can watch a nice old shoot-em-up movie I can tell you that CBC has them on like right now.
My schooling is apparently picking up speed. I've passed my midterm evaluation and am aiming for December 11th as my last shift as a student (and for the record Sunday night is going to be the LAST night shift I work without being paid!) And once the school is done I guess I have to start real life...and what better place to start real life than Winnipeg? (ok, so there are probably way more exciting, exotic, or warmer places...but I think Winnipeg is a good place to start for me). I just have to update my resume and actually send it. I keep procrastinating. Shame on me.
Hospitals are very quiet at night. And dark.
I've recently become very addicted to Prison Break. My roommate Kyle and I watched all of Season 1 in less than a week and then the moment we finished it he went and got the 2nd season from our neighbours. But he took the 2nd disc with him to Vermillion for the weekend. Not impressed (although I didn't even realize he had taken it until he told me in a text message today...but I feel that I ought to be unimpressed on principle). It's a good story. Dthat's pretty easy to get caught in. And it helps that Michael is really really good looking. And an engineer. And you know what they say about nurses and engineers (ok so I don't actually know what they say about nurses and engineers so if you do...please enlighten me!)
So instead of noticing that disc 2 was missing I watched Penelope. It was a cute movie and I liked the story but by far the best part (and the only person I know who would actually appreciate this little story is Aaron and i'm not sure if he reads this...) was at the end of the movie when he just realizes it's her and the background music starts to play. Like 3 notes in i'm standing up on the couch yelling "It's Hoppipola!!" Great song.
I feel so random and disconnected tonight. And while my phone is great because I get to sit in the lounge chair with a warm blanket (probably the best part about being in the hospital...I'm telling you! If you ever have to be in the hospital ask for a warm blanket every chance you can, you'll regret it otherwise)but my phone screen doesn't really give me an accurate impression of just how much I am making you read. So I think I shall just end here for now and start updating more frequently.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
0400
In a desperate bid to stay awake on her break Katie Swan tried to update her blog but quickly realized she had nothing to say and succumb to the incredible weight of her eyelids.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Thanking God for My Nursing Roomie
Without Nursing buddies I would be lost. Do you not know how wonderful it is to have a roommate who you can rant (I really want to say the other word because it's a more accurate word...but I don't feel comfortable saying it) and rave with about how nursing is the stupidest choice we ever made in our lives?
It's incredible.
It gives new life.
I have been blessed with great nursing buddies.
And the TellAround was awesome!!! I didn't tell but I got to hear some great great stories.
It's incredible.
It gives new life.
I have been blessed with great nursing buddies.
And the TellAround was awesome!!! I didn't tell but I got to hear some great great stories.
Friday, October 10, 2008
the nurse hidden in me
Somewhere inside this tired reflection of me a nurse is hidden.
I don't know how she got there and I don't know what she's going to do.
And I don't know why she's hiding.
She's obvioulsly not always hidden or I'd not know she was there (and I'd have for sure never made it to my last year of nursing school).
It's a miracle actually that she sticks around despite my lack of confidence, skills, time management, and any general clue about what's going on.
Ha ha ha.
I love it though. It's a bunch of semi-crazy really old people but they do just worm their ways into your heart.
Even if you really have no idea what you really ought to be doing.
And now I'm sitting on the floor waiting for a business meeting to end so I can go listen to stories.
3 more minutes I think.
I really really hope.
I'm about to go to my first TellAround! But I'm going only to listen.
STORIES!!
I don't know how she got there and I don't know what she's going to do.
And I don't know why she's hiding.
She's obvioulsly not always hidden or I'd not know she was there (and I'd have for sure never made it to my last year of nursing school).
It's a miracle actually that she sticks around despite my lack of confidence, skills, time management, and any general clue about what's going on.
Ha ha ha.
I love it though. It's a bunch of semi-crazy really old people but they do just worm their ways into your heart.
Even if you really have no idea what you really ought to be doing.
And now I'm sitting on the floor waiting for a business meeting to end so I can go listen to stories.
3 more minutes I think.
I really really hope.
I'm about to go to my first TellAround! But I'm going only to listen.
STORIES!!
Sunday, September 14, 2008
That Did Not Just Happen...
Today at work I took the garbage out. Like normal.
I went out the door and Lisa (a girl who works in the hotel that our office is attached to) tells me to be careful because someone is back there. So she sort of follows me so that I'm not alone in a dark alley by the dumpster.
Now, I thought that by someone back there she meant that someone was lurking by the dumbster in the little fence thing around it...however that was not the case.
I tossed my small bags into the dumpster and I hear and grunt.
Today.
I threw garbage on a man in a dumpster.
I just ran back into the building. And in shock all I could really do was laugh at the absurdity of it.
It was awful. How does that happen? Who honestly throws garbage into a dumpster and it hits someone?
And the thing is it's so hard to have compassion where I work. We are harrassed constantly by people who try to scam us and our passengers and we KNOW that they are not being honest. We KNOW that they are buying drugs. Just yesterday one of our passengers comes back into the office from the bathroom wide-eyed-and-terrified because she walked into the women's bathroom and there was a guy and girl shooting up in the bathroom. Then later that night when we were closing and my coworker had to go catch the train so she could get home before 12:30 was walking and two men were walking and then split up and one slowed down so they could be one in front of her and one behind her. Luckily she was close enough to one of our Ft. McMurray passengers and she asked him quickly to walk with her a ways as soon as she noticed what they were doing. She then immediately called me to warn me and the young girl who was waiting for her ride to run inside the hotel lobby. So we quickly booked it around the corner and you could feel these 2 guys getting closer and closer.
I have no idea who was in the dumpster tonight. And it makes me sick now to think of it.
And that is legitimate. But I've been thinking about my initial response and I think it is just as legitimate. I mean really...what kind of exposure have I had to the world? I'm more than willing to admit that I am quite naive...and I acknowledge that laughing is not the best response and I wasn't laughing at the fact that the guy was in the dumpster or that he got hit by garbage but just at the kind of surrealness of the whole situation.
Or maybe I'm going to too great of lengths to figure out and excuse my laughter. But it wasn't funny laughter it was "that did not just happen" laughter. Or maybe I'm just a terrible person.
I went out the door and Lisa (a girl who works in the hotel that our office is attached to) tells me to be careful because someone is back there. So she sort of follows me so that I'm not alone in a dark alley by the dumpster.
Now, I thought that by someone back there she meant that someone was lurking by the dumbster in the little fence thing around it...however that was not the case.
I tossed my small bags into the dumpster and I hear and grunt.
Today.
I threw garbage on a man in a dumpster.
I just ran back into the building. And in shock all I could really do was laugh at the absurdity of it.
It was awful. How does that happen? Who honestly throws garbage into a dumpster and it hits someone?
And the thing is it's so hard to have compassion where I work. We are harrassed constantly by people who try to scam us and our passengers and we KNOW that they are not being honest. We KNOW that they are buying drugs. Just yesterday one of our passengers comes back into the office from the bathroom wide-eyed-and-terrified because she walked into the women's bathroom and there was a guy and girl shooting up in the bathroom. Then later that night when we were closing and my coworker had to go catch the train so she could get home before 12:30 was walking and two men were walking and then split up and one slowed down so they could be one in front of her and one behind her. Luckily she was close enough to one of our Ft. McMurray passengers and she asked him quickly to walk with her a ways as soon as she noticed what they were doing. She then immediately called me to warn me and the young girl who was waiting for her ride to run inside the hotel lobby. So we quickly booked it around the corner and you could feel these 2 guys getting closer and closer.
I have no idea who was in the dumpster tonight. And it makes me sick now to think of it.
And that is legitimate. But I've been thinking about my initial response and I think it is just as legitimate. I mean really...what kind of exposure have I had to the world? I'm more than willing to admit that I am quite naive...and I acknowledge that laughing is not the best response and I wasn't laughing at the fact that the guy was in the dumpster or that he got hit by garbage but just at the kind of surrealness of the whole situation.
Or maybe I'm going to too great of lengths to figure out and excuse my laughter. But it wasn't funny laughter it was "that did not just happen" laughter. Or maybe I'm just a terrible person.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Saturday, August 30, 2008
What I've Been Up To
This is my little story about my camping trip that started on Sunday...I wrote it each night before going to sleep...and now I'm puting it here. It is definately much longer than I thought it was!!
5 minutes into the process of putting up my tent (aka Spawn of Satan) I was laughing so hard that my green tea gingerale started to come out my nose. Fantastic. Following camp set up we sat by the fire and chatted. Then it cooled off so it was just me and my brother, the wind in the trees and the sky filled with stars. We sat by the crackling fire laughing over old highschool stories and talking about our views on drinking and swearing. Now I must say that this is not the easiest way to sleep. I'm in a cocoon of blankets which is great. Nice and cozy. BUT I am a toss-and-turner by heart. There are people who can go to sleep in a bed and get up and they just need to flip the blanket back over the pillow and it's like the bed wasn't even touched. I am not one of those people. I don't know how it happens but when I wake up the blankets are balled up and in a knot all around me. Unfortunately trying to toss or turn in this cocoon will get me strangled. And I lose my warm spot. Oh well. I think i'm going to fall asleep now.
Day 2
Twas a good day. Filled with a lot of laughter, which makes it one of my favorite kinds of days. We put our boat together (it's a Zodiac) and then we put it in the water and dad and Clayton got in it to take it for a test run. I was holding the rope. I was supposed to keep holding the rope. I didn't know that. And of course it's super windy and they are blowin towards the shore through the shallow part and the motor isn't actually starting. Oops. So I roll up my pants and take my moms crocs and wade in to get them back. Clayton throws me the rope and I grab it then I tow them straight through the boat launch and wind up almost waist deep in water. Way to go me. My mom's snapping pictures and laughing and i'm laughing and dad was still fighting the motor and Clayton was laughing. Good times. Later when we were actually getting in the boat (I had changed into dry clothes and flip flops) it was my job to push the boat out. I rolled up my pants once again and waded in a lil bit, pushed, and jumped in. Everything was going well. Except my flip flop stayed in the lake.It just floated there by the shore. But my dad drove the boat back and we rescued my shoe with the paddle. Yay!Following this incident was the wettest and windiest boat trip ever. It was fantastic. Once again I was soaked! This time from waves breaking on the side of the boat. Lot's of laughing occurred once again. We had a quiet afternoon and then Clayton and I climbed the mini-mountain behind our camp. We returned. Had supper. Sat by the fire for a bit til it got cold a d started raining. Went inside played 2 games of team crib (my parents won one game and Clayton and me won one). Lot's of laughing. Fun.Now i'm trying out a less restrictive blanket arrangement. I hope I don't freeze.
Day 3
So I totally half froze last night. We woke up, had breakfast and then dad, Clayton and I went hiking. We hiked up a creek for 3 hours then climbed a ridge. I was pretty tired by the time we started climbing the ridge but was so not going to be the reason we didn't climb to the top of anything. I am so beat. And out of control sore. My feet feel bruised and are covered in blisters. But it was so worth it of course. It wasn't the most perfect of ridges for views but the view was still fantastic. Then when we got back to camp we had delicious steak and potatoes that mom made for us. So good. Then showered and felt a lot better. Then the whole fam sat around the fire til now. I'm so ready to sleep now.
Day Four
Today was just as great as the others. We left Rock lake this afternoon and went into Hinton for some bread and gas and fresh water. The Hinton IGA has a whole wall devoted to things that campers or hunters might need. Including toilet paper. That wall of supplies made me laugh. Even got some cell phone reception and found out one friend got her job and another friend got his apartment! Yay!Then we headed out to the McLeod River where there's this kind of gravel flood plain that we camp on. I love it here. There's a bit more traffic on the nearby road but it is still a fantastic place. The nearby river is beautiful. And the valley is quite nice. This evening we had our fire and we watched the stars come out. A valley full of stars. Breathtaking. The conversation involved lengthy descriptions like "ok, see that ridge over there? Now see those 2 spruce trees that kinds stuck up more? Ok. Well go straight up from the higher up one to the first star. Then the star we are talking about is about a peace sign away". Good times. However, I was so caught up in stargazing I didn't notice just how cold it actually is. When I got to my tent t found it was covered in frost. How charming. So now I am buried under blankets wearing a hoodie and a sweater and kind of lying between two stumps that apparently live under my tent. And I smell like campfire. I love this. Oh I really do! Goodnight all!
5 minutes into the process of putting up my tent (aka Spawn of Satan) I was laughing so hard that my green tea gingerale started to come out my nose. Fantastic. Following camp set up we sat by the fire and chatted. Then it cooled off so it was just me and my brother, the wind in the trees and the sky filled with stars. We sat by the crackling fire laughing over old highschool stories and talking about our views on drinking and swearing. Now I must say that this is not the easiest way to sleep. I'm in a cocoon of blankets which is great. Nice and cozy. BUT I am a toss-and-turner by heart. There are people who can go to sleep in a bed and get up and they just need to flip the blanket back over the pillow and it's like the bed wasn't even touched. I am not one of those people. I don't know how it happens but when I wake up the blankets are balled up and in a knot all around me. Unfortunately trying to toss or turn in this cocoon will get me strangled. And I lose my warm spot. Oh well. I think i'm going to fall asleep now.
Day 2
Twas a good day. Filled with a lot of laughter, which makes it one of my favorite kinds of days. We put our boat together (it's a Zodiac) and then we put it in the water and dad and Clayton got in it to take it for a test run. I was holding the rope. I was supposed to keep holding the rope. I didn't know that. And of course it's super windy and they are blowin towards the shore through the shallow part and the motor isn't actually starting. Oops. So I roll up my pants and take my moms crocs and wade in to get them back. Clayton throws me the rope and I grab it then I tow them straight through the boat launch and wind up almost waist deep in water. Way to go me. My mom's snapping pictures and laughing and i'm laughing and dad was still fighting the motor and Clayton was laughing. Good times. Later when we were actually getting in the boat (I had changed into dry clothes and flip flops) it was my job to push the boat out. I rolled up my pants once again and waded in a lil bit, pushed, and jumped in. Everything was going well. Except my flip flop stayed in the lake.It just floated there by the shore. But my dad drove the boat back and we rescued my shoe with the paddle. Yay!Following this incident was the wettest and windiest boat trip ever. It was fantastic. Once again I was soaked! This time from waves breaking on the side of the boat. Lot's of laughing occurred once again. We had a quiet afternoon and then Clayton and I climbed the mini-mountain behind our camp. We returned. Had supper. Sat by the fire for a bit til it got cold a d started raining. Went inside played 2 games of team crib (my parents won one game and Clayton and me won one). Lot's of laughing. Fun.Now i'm trying out a less restrictive blanket arrangement. I hope I don't freeze.
Day 3
So I totally half froze last night. We woke up, had breakfast and then dad, Clayton and I went hiking. We hiked up a creek for 3 hours then climbed a ridge. I was pretty tired by the time we started climbing the ridge but was so not going to be the reason we didn't climb to the top of anything. I am so beat. And out of control sore. My feet feel bruised and are covered in blisters. But it was so worth it of course. It wasn't the most perfect of ridges for views but the view was still fantastic. Then when we got back to camp we had delicious steak and potatoes that mom made for us. So good. Then showered and felt a lot better. Then the whole fam sat around the fire til now. I'm so ready to sleep now.
Day Four
Today was just as great as the others. We left Rock lake this afternoon and went into Hinton for some bread and gas and fresh water. The Hinton IGA has a whole wall devoted to things that campers or hunters might need. Including toilet paper. That wall of supplies made me laugh. Even got some cell phone reception and found out one friend got her job and another friend got his apartment! Yay!Then we headed out to the McLeod River where there's this kind of gravel flood plain that we camp on. I love it here. There's a bit more traffic on the nearby road but it is still a fantastic place. The nearby river is beautiful. And the valley is quite nice. This evening we had our fire and we watched the stars come out. A valley full of stars. Breathtaking. The conversation involved lengthy descriptions like "ok, see that ridge over there? Now see those 2 spruce trees that kinds stuck up more? Ok. Well go straight up from the higher up one to the first star. Then the star we are talking about is about a peace sign away". Good times. However, I was so caught up in stargazing I didn't notice just how cold it actually is. When I got to my tent t found it was covered in frost. How charming. So now I am buried under blankets wearing a hoodie and a sweater and kind of lying between two stumps that apparently live under my tent. And I smell like campfire. I love this. Oh I really do! Goodnight all!
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
just 2 things. i think
Apparently I am a little bit famous after the whole Created Beautiful thing since people now know my name. A girl out at camp was telling me how funny we were. Which is great that they enjoyed the drama stuff but I feel bad since I did not think much of it up. Only one sketch really. I didn't actually have much to do with it. But I think it's still ok to smile and laugh and say "yeah, that was fun." because I did have fun. It's just a little strange for me to be recognized for something I did instead of for being my brother's sister.
This morning at camp the plan was to wake the campers up early and then kind of recreate refugee scenario. The kids are given profiles of refugees and then they must hike through the bushes through checkstops and avoiding border patrols. It is supposed to raise awarness about refugees. Which i'm sure it will. And i'm sure there is not anything wrong with it. Afterall someone has made this whole thing up with a debriefing book and everything. But it doesn't quite sit right with me. I feel that recreating the terror and hate experienced be refugees could be a little disrespectful. I met a man who escaped out of Afghanistan like 20 years ago. He told me how it was like the Berlin wall and the guards would kill any man, woman, or child caught trying to escape. I didn't really get the impression it was an experience he wanted anyone else to go through.
But perhaps I am being overly sensitive. After all I do have a history of being overly sensitive to tragedy. I guess I'll head out to camp and see how it went.
Oh. And I guess there's a third thing. The campers are allowed to have their cell phones this year. Weird.
This morning at camp the plan was to wake the campers up early and then kind of recreate refugee scenario. The kids are given profiles of refugees and then they must hike through the bushes through checkstops and avoiding border patrols. It is supposed to raise awarness about refugees. Which i'm sure it will. And i'm sure there is not anything wrong with it. Afterall someone has made this whole thing up with a debriefing book and everything. But it doesn't quite sit right with me. I feel that recreating the terror and hate experienced be refugees could be a little disrespectful. I met a man who escaped out of Afghanistan like 20 years ago. He told me how it was like the Berlin wall and the guards would kill any man, woman, or child caught trying to escape. I didn't really get the impression it was an experience he wanted anyone else to go through.
But perhaps I am being overly sensitive. After all I do have a history of being overly sensitive to tragedy. I guess I'll head out to camp and see how it went.
Oh. And I guess there's a third thing. The campers are allowed to have their cell phones this year. Weird.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Friday, August 8, 2008
Which Me Shall I Be?
It's super ridiculous but I am so excited! My instructor and one of my nursing buddies calls me SWAN!!! Which to me means that I've been the real me!
See, I kind of categorize what I'm called into 3 groups:
To many I am Katie--the quiet shy girl who just listens a lot and doesn't have a whole lot to say. Pretty forgettable.
Then there are quite a few who know me as Katie Swan--simply distinguishing me from the many other fantastic Katie's that they know.
Finally there are those who call me Swan, Swanny, Swan Princess and these people are the ones who recognize that I'm a troublemaker at heart, they've heard me laugh out loud, and talk, and argue, and get angry or upset. Be way overly dramatic, exaggerate to the point of outlandish. They've seen a whole lot more of me than shows when you first meet me.
And I'm so excited that they feel comfortable calling me Swan. I mean, they haven't seen all of my craziness since I'm supposed to be rather professional....but there have been "water" fights in the med room (by "water" I mean prefilled normal saline syringes make great weapons).
I hope that when I figure out where I'm going I get to be the crazy person I want to be. That I'll overcome the awkwardness I first have when meeting people.
I hate to ask for so much, but I would love for God to give me some sort of direction, and to help me find that place and be all the crazy I can be.
I like to think that somehow my crazy reflects Him.
Oh! And I've heard that finding apartments in Winnipeg is like pulling teeth out of an angry rhino...and in January no one will be moving because it's COLD++++. So now I had seriously been like "hmm...I could totally go to Winnipeg" but now I'm afraid that living in my car until spring is not really a good option...but I dunno what to do!!! Gotta seek God's will some more.
See, I kind of categorize what I'm called into 3 groups:
To many I am Katie--the quiet shy girl who just listens a lot and doesn't have a whole lot to say. Pretty forgettable.
Then there are quite a few who know me as Katie Swan--simply distinguishing me from the many other fantastic Katie's that they know.
Finally there are those who call me Swan, Swanny, Swan Princess and these people are the ones who recognize that I'm a troublemaker at heart, they've heard me laugh out loud, and talk, and argue, and get angry or upset. Be way overly dramatic, exaggerate to the point of outlandish. They've seen a whole lot more of me than shows when you first meet me.
And I'm so excited that they feel comfortable calling me Swan. I mean, they haven't seen all of my craziness since I'm supposed to be rather professional....but there have been "water" fights in the med room (by "water" I mean prefilled normal saline syringes make great weapons).
I hope that when I figure out where I'm going I get to be the crazy person I want to be. That I'll overcome the awkwardness I first have when meeting people.
I hate to ask for so much, but I would love for God to give me some sort of direction, and to help me find that place and be all the crazy I can be.
I like to think that somehow my crazy reflects Him.
Oh! And I've heard that finding apartments in Winnipeg is like pulling teeth out of an angry rhino...and in January no one will be moving because it's COLD++++. So now I had seriously been like "hmm...I could totally go to Winnipeg" but now I'm afraid that living in my car until spring is not really a good option...but I dunno what to do!!! Gotta seek God's will some more.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Where Am I Going God?
I'm tired.
I'm burnt out.
I have the hiccups.
And I don't know what I'm doing
or where I'm going
I know I don't need to make up my mind now
But in the next few weeks it'd be nice
So I can find a job
And fill out the appropriate paperwork
Because if I leave Alberta
there will be a lot of paperwork.
I think my hiccups stopped.
So I'll be praying for some sort of vision
A dream.
A purpose.
And if ya'll think of it...pray for me? please?
I'm going to sleep now.
I'm burnt out.
I have the hiccups.
And I don't know what I'm doing
or where I'm going
I know I don't need to make up my mind now
But in the next few weeks it'd be nice
So I can find a job
And fill out the appropriate paperwork
Because if I leave Alberta
there will be a lot of paperwork.
I think my hiccups stopped.
So I'll be praying for some sort of vision
A dream.
A purpose.
And if ya'll think of it...pray for me? please?
I'm going to sleep now.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
If I Was an Octapus I'd be a better Nurse...but Maybe Not a Better Person
Today I started my first IV!! Yay me!
Happy dance x3!!
Ok. So really it was a gong show.
I didn't even know I'd hit the vein cuz I forgot to watch for the flashback.
So I didn't even know til my instructor was like "yay you did it!"
And I'm like...umm...ok.
Then of course connecting everything and taping everything down required my 2 hands, my instructors 2 hands and Heather (my nursing buddy)'s two hands as well.
So for my next IV if I grow an extra 4 arms will be a piece of cake!
Happy dance x3!!
Ok. So really it was a gong show.
I didn't even know I'd hit the vein cuz I forgot to watch for the flashback.
So I didn't even know til my instructor was like "yay you did it!"
And I'm like...umm...ok.
Then of course connecting everything and taping everything down required my 2 hands, my instructors 2 hands and Heather (my nursing buddy)'s two hands as well.
So for my next IV if I grow an extra 4 arms will be a piece of cake!
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Monday, July 14, 2008
Með Suð Í Eyrum Við Spilum Endalaust
I was so sick with unshed tears
that I had to run to my car, race over to the nearest HMV to buy an album I wanted.
Which they didn't have. Well they had one, but it was on hold or something like that.
So I bought a different album by the same band.
This morning I drove back to the city.
It was beautiful. Bright green fields, bright yellow fields, then trees, and then the darkest of rain clouds.
And as I drove I prayed.
I prayed thanking God for the beauty of the day.
Asking for strength for a friend and his family in a tough time, especially today as round 2 begins.
For a friend who's far away from her family (I think maybe still?) and needs protection and revelation in her life.
For Shauna at camp all exhausted, that God would make her a blessing to those around her.
For some sort of dream
And I got no answer that I understand.
All I know is I'm exhausted.
Stressed.
So it is perfectly fitting that I am listening to music that has nothing to do with English.
I don't understand it.
And that's perfectly ok.
Because I don't understand much right now.
that I had to run to my car, race over to the nearest HMV to buy an album I wanted.
Which they didn't have. Well they had one, but it was on hold or something like that.
So I bought a different album by the same band.
This morning I drove back to the city.
It was beautiful. Bright green fields, bright yellow fields, then trees, and then the darkest of rain clouds.
And as I drove I prayed.
I prayed thanking God for the beauty of the day.
Asking for strength for a friend and his family in a tough time, especially today as round 2 begins.
For a friend who's far away from her family (I think maybe still?) and needs protection and revelation in her life.
For Shauna at camp all exhausted, that God would make her a blessing to those around her.
For some sort of dream
And I got no answer that I understand.
All I know is I'm exhausted.
Stressed.
So it is perfectly fitting that I am listening to music that has nothing to do with English.
I don't understand it.
And that's perfectly ok.
Because I don't understand much right now.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Not to Say They Should Drop Dead but...
Cardiac surgery is incredibly cool. I'm going to learn so much, and my instructor is just fabulous!
BUT The majority of patients there are what we call CABG patients (pronounced like cabbage). Which is short of Coronary Artery Bipass Graft (bipass surgery).
That's what my grandpa had. He had that and he was in the hospital and then he was home and recovering and doing so well and then he dropped dead in a parking lot.
Not that I think all the patients I see are going to go home and 6 weeks later be taken off life support but I worry about them a little, and a little selfish evil part of me says that it's not fair that they're going to be ok.
Clearly my grandpa's death is something that I have still not gotten over.
Somehow that moment when I found out that despite all the prayers he still died my whole perspective of God changed. Or maybe it was myself. I was tested by a trial and struggle and disapointment and I failed miserably. My faith in God doing anything was shaken.
oh wow.
I just realized the strangest thing.
The Christmas before my 4th birthday my Aunt Laura died and my parents called me into their room and I remember my dad was crying and I laughed because I thought he was being silly and my mom explained that my Aunt had died. I don't really remember how that went but I do remember that after I went down the stairs and my grandma met me at the bottom of the stairs and wrapped me in a big hug and I cried.
The day my grandpa died was the day that I went with friends to Malmo to see Mr. Chapel. I still went to see Mr. Chapel because I needed the distraction and when we got to the church Kim was there and she asked how my grandpa was and I just started to cry and she gave me a huge hug while I sobbed in the middle of the church.
Maybe I just need to look for God in a different way. It still doesn't change the fact that I had the wrong hopes and expectations but it recognizing that God was actually there.
He gave me a hug.
2 in fact.
I've been blessed.
I've just gotta learnt to see them instead of just the hurt.
BUT The majority of patients there are what we call CABG patients (pronounced like cabbage). Which is short of Coronary Artery Bipass Graft (bipass surgery).
That's what my grandpa had. He had that and he was in the hospital and then he was home and recovering and doing so well and then he dropped dead in a parking lot.
Not that I think all the patients I see are going to go home and 6 weeks later be taken off life support but I worry about them a little, and a little selfish evil part of me says that it's not fair that they're going to be ok.
Clearly my grandpa's death is something that I have still not gotten over.
Somehow that moment when I found out that despite all the prayers he still died my whole perspective of God changed. Or maybe it was myself. I was tested by a trial and struggle and disapointment and I failed miserably. My faith in God doing anything was shaken.
oh wow.
I just realized the strangest thing.
The Christmas before my 4th birthday my Aunt Laura died and my parents called me into their room and I remember my dad was crying and I laughed because I thought he was being silly and my mom explained that my Aunt had died. I don't really remember how that went but I do remember that after I went down the stairs and my grandma met me at the bottom of the stairs and wrapped me in a big hug and I cried.
The day my grandpa died was the day that I went with friends to Malmo to see Mr. Chapel. I still went to see Mr. Chapel because I needed the distraction and when we got to the church Kim was there and she asked how my grandpa was and I just started to cry and she gave me a huge hug while I sobbed in the middle of the church.
Maybe I just need to look for God in a different way. It still doesn't change the fact that I had the wrong hopes and expectations but it recognizing that God was actually there.
He gave me a hug.
2 in fact.
I've been blessed.
I've just gotta learnt to see them instead of just the hurt.
Monday, July 7, 2008
When I Told the Truth and What Happened Next
So on Saturday at work I was going to the wheelchair bathroom to dump the icky mop water and put some clean water in, but before I got there a girl came along from the hotel to go to the bathroom, so since the normal bathrooms were locked I let her into the wheelchair bathroom. Before going in she wanted to know why the normal bathrooms were locked. I thought about it for a second and then just told her the truth flat out, "Well, if we don't lock them people from the street come in and shoot up in the bathroom." And she just laughed. My answer was so far from what she was expecting that she just laughed. She went into the bathroom and I could still hear her laughing. She said that my "honesty cracked her up."
One day a telemarketer called and asked me if anyone was around to do her survey "like my mommy" and I said no. Which is technically true since she was technically asking for my mommy and my mom was not there. Nothing really resulted from this.
Then one night I was reading and my phone rang and I answered it and it was some guy who had the wrong number. Then he starts texting me and apologizing and asking about "where my man was at" and I said I was single (because it's the truth) and then he wanted me to call him (because I sounded so "sexy on the phone"...ok if you read the story above you know that a lot of people think I sound like a little kid on the phone) and whatever and I was like "AH! NO!" and I kept saying no and then he called me but I didn't answer and then I told Katie and she told me I had to either tell him I had a boyfriend or say point blank I wasn't interested. So I did the telling the truth one and then he went away.
At church on Sunday we read Psalm 25 which says "No one who trusts in you will ever be disgraced, but disgrace comes to thos who try to deceive others."
At work Saturday night I was sweeping outside because the wind kept blowing icky stuff in everytime the door opened and a driver from a Diversified coach (Red Arrow's sister company) came in and he was talking to me and then he reaches out and touches my left ring finger and asks me "How come you're not wearing it?" and I'm like "HUH? Wearing what?" and he's like "Your ring" And I'm like "um, I don't have one" and he's like "Oh good, then I still have a chance" Which is where I kind of laughed, turned red, and started sweeping with a vengeance. Now if only I'd said "It's just getting sized" or something like that then it would have been a little less creepy! But it was creepy. Plus I don't even know his name, and he totally knows mine cuz I have to wear a stupid name tag!
I have to skip a day of clinical to go to Becky's wedding. Getting permission for this is pretty much impossible becaus the Faculty of Nursing seems to believe that when we pay tuition to become their students we also sign over our souls. So I have a choice to make: Do I tell the truth and ask my instructor if it is possible or do I call in sick that day? I'm going to ask her tomorrow. Going bravely forward where few have gone before, and even fewer have gotten favorable answers.
One day a telemarketer called and asked me if anyone was around to do her survey "like my mommy" and I said no. Which is technically true since she was technically asking for my mommy and my mom was not there. Nothing really resulted from this.
Then one night I was reading and my phone rang and I answered it and it was some guy who had the wrong number. Then he starts texting me and apologizing and asking about "where my man was at" and I said I was single (because it's the truth) and then he wanted me to call him (because I sounded so "sexy on the phone"...ok if you read the story above you know that a lot of people think I sound like a little kid on the phone) and whatever and I was like "AH! NO!" and I kept saying no and then he called me but I didn't answer and then I told Katie and she told me I had to either tell him I had a boyfriend or say point blank I wasn't interested. So I did the telling the truth one and then he went away.
At church on Sunday we read Psalm 25 which says "No one who trusts in you will ever be disgraced, but disgrace comes to thos who try to deceive others."
At work Saturday night I was sweeping outside because the wind kept blowing icky stuff in everytime the door opened and a driver from a Diversified coach (Red Arrow's sister company) came in and he was talking to me and then he reaches out and touches my left ring finger and asks me "How come you're not wearing it?" and I'm like "HUH? Wearing what?" and he's like "Your ring" And I'm like "um, I don't have one" and he's like "Oh good, then I still have a chance" Which is where I kind of laughed, turned red, and started sweeping with a vengeance. Now if only I'd said "It's just getting sized" or something like that then it would have been a little less creepy! But it was creepy. Plus I don't even know his name, and he totally knows mine cuz I have to wear a stupid name tag!
I have to skip a day of clinical to go to Becky's wedding. Getting permission for this is pretty much impossible becaus the Faculty of Nursing seems to believe that when we pay tuition to become their students we also sign over our souls. So I have a choice to make: Do I tell the truth and ask my instructor if it is possible or do I call in sick that day? I'm going to ask her tomorrow. Going bravely forward where few have gone before, and even fewer have gotten favorable answers.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
STOP HOLDING YOUR BREATH
You're turning BLUE!!
Ok, so I know you've all been waiting with bated breath for me to update you all on the scarf situation. So I'll tell you.
On the first day with the scarf I wore it as a headband.
Then the second day I just wore it like a scarf around my neck.
That's it.
Hope you had a happy Canada Day by the way.
I went to the parade in my little town, it was cute, and home-town-like. Made me smile.
I'm proud of where I come from.
Proud of the guy in the antique car who was lighting up a cigarrette as he followed the horses from Gymkana.
So some things that I've been praying for, and welcome ya'll to pray for too:
Ok, so I know you've all been waiting with bated breath for me to update you all on the scarf situation. So I'll tell you.
On the first day with the scarf I wore it as a headband.
Then the second day I just wore it like a scarf around my neck.
That's it.
Hope you had a happy Canada Day by the way.
I went to the parade in my little town, it was cute, and home-town-like. Made me smile.
I'm proud of where I come from.
Proud of the guy in the antique car who was lighting up a cigarrette as he followed the horses from Gymkana.
So some things that I've been praying for, and welcome ya'll to pray for too:
- A friend, his family, and his mom who are going through chemo
- A friend who's crazy busy
- My dad (so much. just so much)
- This lovely weather and this beautiful place I live in
- My commitment to living like I actually want to spend all of eternity with God (which means spending time with Him now)
- Praising Him because another friend got the job he so badly wanted/needed
- And another friend who has a friend who is seeking God's will in a strange situation far from home and is representing God in the most amazing way.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
The Perfect Sunglasses and Convertible
Today at work we got scarves that we must wear with our uniforms. Basically, if I had the perfect shades, and a convertible (it doesn't have to be perfect...just a convertible) then I could wrap the scarf around my head and let the ends blow in the wind and I would spend the rest of my life trying to look rich and sophisticated. Maybe I would even get one of those really long cigarette holders.
Which I wouldn't actually smoke.
Just hold.
Unfortunately, the scarf is supposed to be worn like a stewardess scarf. Which is not as fun.
But still more fun than no scarf.
:)
Which I wouldn't actually smoke.
Just hold.
Unfortunately, the scarf is supposed to be worn like a stewardess scarf. Which is not as fun.
But still more fun than no scarf.
:)
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Hug My Flower With Your Eyes
Tree Hugger
The flower said, "I wish I was a tree,
"The tree said, "I wish I could be
A different kind of tree,
The cat wished that it was a bee,
The turtle wished that it could fly
Really high into the sky,
Over rooftops and then dive
Deep into the sea.
And in the sea there is a fish,
A fish that has a secret wish,
A wish to be a big cactus
With a pink flower on it.
This is a part of one of my new favorite songs, and today I went for a walk, and I thought about a lot of things, and then later realized that this song is about me. I'm the flower, the tree, the cat, the turtle, and the fish: Never really satisfied with me the way I am.
Which was what I was thinking about as I was walking. I was thinking about the little things about me that are me, but that I am actually ashamed of, which got me thinking that those things are me, and even if they are dorky they are still me, and I need to start embracing those things. So I'm making a little list (this is a blog of lists apparently) of things that I think ya'll ought to know about me:
- M*A*S*H is the greatest show ever, Hawkeye can make me laugh AND cry in one episode.
- I laugh at things that no one else thinks are funny, and when no one is around to think I'm crazy for laughing: I laugh and it's OUT OF CONTROL
- I listen to country music, Christmas music, Christian music, and hymns/worship music. I'll listen to the other stuff too, but I don't know any of it.
- I'm not really comfortable with swearing. I swear sometimes (for dramatic affect or shock value or on a really bad day out of frustration) and I don't mind when others swear, but I really think that if you can't come up with something different to say you are lacking in imagination.
- If you don't know me, and you meet me just a heads up: I'm probably not going to say anything more than "Hi, yeah, my names Katie. Nice to meet you. How are you? --- Oh, I'm fine thanks."
- I don't drink. Not even socially. I just drink wine at my grandma's to scare her and because it tastes like apple juice and is like 0.05% alcohol.
- (last one for now) I don't read things to find a deeper symbolic philosophical meaning. I read the story, and that's all I take from it, unless the deeper symbolic philosophical meaning is spelled out for me. So there.
I hope ya'll still love me.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
And Each One Is a New Day
So it took me til midnight to adapt to staying in Edmonton.
While I really wanted to go to Winnipeg I also found that I was kind of relieved to not be going.
And when I learnt that I could try to talk the co-ordinator into letting me go anyways I found that I didn't really want to fight for it.
So I would say that God wants me to hang out here for a bit longer.
So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to stay here, and learn more about me, more about God, more about me as a nurse, and then hopefully in the next few months find a plan for whatever comes after the next few months.
Which is the worst part because I liked knowing where I'd be in January.
Now I haven't any idea.
Which makes me think that God is saying: "No Katie, Winnipeg is not for you right now, #1 I want you to learn that you are not to worry about tomorrow because each day is a new day, and I am in control, I'm looking out for you and there's no need to plan and stress and worry, and most importantly, #2 The people in Winnipeg do a lot of bowling, and you need a lot of practice."
While I really wanted to go to Winnipeg I also found that I was kind of relieved to not be going.
And when I learnt that I could try to talk the co-ordinator into letting me go anyways I found that I didn't really want to fight for it.
So I would say that God wants me to hang out here for a bit longer.
So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to stay here, and learn more about me, more about God, more about me as a nurse, and then hopefully in the next few months find a plan for whatever comes after the next few months.
Which is the worst part because I liked knowing where I'd be in January.
Now I haven't any idea.
Which makes me think that God is saying: "No Katie, Winnipeg is not for you right now, #1 I want you to learn that you are not to worry about tomorrow because each day is a new day, and I am in control, I'm looking out for you and there's no need to plan and stress and worry, and most importantly, #2 The people in Winnipeg do a lot of bowling, and you need a lot of practice."
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Well That Window of Opportunity Wasted No Time in Slamming Shut on My Fingers. Ow.
Today I had my interview with the 4th year co-ordinator, the clinical placements co-ordinator, and the student advisor about whether or not going to Winnipeg for my 10 week practicum would be appropriate for me or not. Apparently "it is not in my best interest to go"
So in a 20 minute interview they were able to determine what was best for me. In 20 minutes of making me feel really nervous, and stupid they were able to decide what is in "my best interest". Wow. I mean, even my parent's wouldn't tell me something was "not in my best interest" and they've known me a lot longer than 20 minutes.
So anyway. I had my interview, was told that I'd know by the end of the week, I went home, had lunch, had a nap, woke up and discovered I had an e-mail that said no. So I went to Little Bits, did my volunteer thing, cried in the parking lot, went home and then in order to prevent more crying I ran. And while running (which really is great when you don't want to cry because it is hard to cry and run) I had to make a list.
A list to replace the list of things I was excited for in Winnipeg.
I know that it will not make my disappointment go away, but I know that just dwelling on the things, like Literary Night, that I wanted so bad will not make the next few months any easier.
So here's my list. It's not the greatest, but I need it.
1. Possibly living with Megan and Kyle
2. Volunteering for Little Bits fall classes
3. Keeping my job at Red Arrow
4. Tea dates with Katie if she stays in the city
5. Laughing at Tim Hortons with Jess
6. Visiting the farm
7. Maybe now I'll get to do my placement in the NICU
8. I don't have to go out of my comfort zone now
So this is the list I'm clinging to.
And I can't post the other list. The list of reasons why Winnipeg was going to be so great.
Because for now Winnipeg is on hold.
So in a 20 minute interview they were able to determine what was best for me. In 20 minutes of making me feel really nervous, and stupid they were able to decide what is in "my best interest". Wow. I mean, even my parent's wouldn't tell me something was "not in my best interest" and they've known me a lot longer than 20 minutes.
So anyway. I had my interview, was told that I'd know by the end of the week, I went home, had lunch, had a nap, woke up and discovered I had an e-mail that said no. So I went to Little Bits, did my volunteer thing, cried in the parking lot, went home and then in order to prevent more crying I ran. And while running (which really is great when you don't want to cry because it is hard to cry and run) I had to make a list.
A list to replace the list of things I was excited for in Winnipeg.
I know that it will not make my disappointment go away, but I know that just dwelling on the things, like Literary Night, that I wanted so bad will not make the next few months any easier.
So here's my list. It's not the greatest, but I need it.
1. Possibly living with Megan and Kyle
2. Volunteering for Little Bits fall classes
3. Keeping my job at Red Arrow
4. Tea dates with Katie if she stays in the city
5. Laughing at Tim Hortons with Jess
6. Visiting the farm
7. Maybe now I'll get to do my placement in the NICU
8. I don't have to go out of my comfort zone now
So this is the list I'm clinging to.
And I can't post the other list. The list of reasons why Winnipeg was going to be so great.
Because for now Winnipeg is on hold.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Perseverance
My friend Megan and I have been riding our bikes to school for the last couple of weeks. It's a great little half hour ride and I really enjoy it. Except for one thing. Well two really. The Hills. On the way to school there is a really long hill coming out of the river valley, it's long because it's switchback. On the way home there's a short but oh-so-steep hill coming out of the other side of the river valley. I can make it up the long switchback hill, but the whole time I'm thinking "oh my goodness, I just need to stop. I should just get off and walk. I should just walk" Even though I know that I can do it.
The funny thing about going up the hill is that in order to not focus on how exhausting it is I let my mind wander to the strangest of things. Like today for example, I was thinking to myself "Yesterday when I went around this corner what was I thinking?" I never did remember.
Then, the hill going home is brutal. Each day I've gotten a bit further up the hill before I've had to give up, and today I made it almost to the very top, but just had to stop before the end.
The interesting thing this time was that when going up that hill today I was thinking about perseverance. I was wondering if I have any. Does the fact that I wanted to stop and walk so badly mean that I have no perseverance? Or does the fact that I kept on going anyway mean that I do in fact have perseverance? Is perseverance doing something because I really want to quit??
I'm not really sure, but I will say that the feeling each time I go a little further is fantastic. And the feeling as I fly down the switchback hill and look out across the river is thrilling.
But the best part is going past the Equine Centre and smelling the horses, wet trees, and wild roses.
The funny thing about going up the hill is that in order to not focus on how exhausting it is I let my mind wander to the strangest of things. Like today for example, I was thinking to myself "Yesterday when I went around this corner what was I thinking?" I never did remember.
Then, the hill going home is brutal. Each day I've gotten a bit further up the hill before I've had to give up, and today I made it almost to the very top, but just had to stop before the end.
The interesting thing this time was that when going up that hill today I was thinking about perseverance. I was wondering if I have any. Does the fact that I wanted to stop and walk so badly mean that I have no perseverance? Or does the fact that I kept on going anyway mean that I do in fact have perseverance? Is perseverance doing something because I really want to quit??
I'm not really sure, but I will say that the feeling each time I go a little further is fantastic. And the feeling as I fly down the switchback hill and look out across the river is thrilling.
But the best part is going past the Equine Centre and smelling the horses, wet trees, and wild roses.
Friday, June 6, 2008
Maybe I'm a Communist. But Mostly no.
Tonight I watched Charlie Wilson's War and I felt it was a good movie, but I really like history. This movie in particular not only taught some history but it is relevent to what's going on in our world today. At least it helped me understand a bit more (although perhaps I ought to have understood it better before now...but as I have learnt from nursing school: I am terrible at teaching myself).
There was quite a bit of footage from the actual fighting and it made me a little sick to my stomach. There's this whole part where we are supposed to feel all victorious and whatnot because the Soviet's are being shot out of the sky. In a way this is good. The Afghan people are no longer defenseless against the brutal attacks that were taking so many innocent lives. Yet, at the same time I couldn't help but think of the Soviet soldiers who were dying and feeling sick. I don't know how to describe it. In the movie they showed 3 pilots in helicopters attacking an Afghan village (this was all re-enacted...not actual war footage) and they were portrayed as arrogrant, heartless jerks. They were talking about their girlfriends or whatever back home in a rather rude way as they were firing on the village. The helicopters of course are the first 3 that are blown up by the Afghan people with their new guns from the Americans.
This is where my sadness comes in. Even though it was terrible that the Soviet soldiers were killing so many Afghan people and I am sad for them, but I am also sad for the Soviet soldiers because under the Soviet regime they didn't really have a choice. They were either forced to fight or they were brainwashed to believe that what they were doing was right.
And so when the movie was listing how many Soviet planes and helicopters and tanks were blown up I wanted to cry.
I think I just don't like war.
On that note I am looking forward to being able to watch Passchendaele although I know that this movie will make me cry. For all the people who died: the "good guys" and the "bad guys".
We'll never break even so why not just, I don't know. Just clear the slate off, and start over. Forgive and forget the past things we've done to eachother. Well, don't forget because that would dishonour the dead, but let's forgive. Clean slate people. Clean slate.
There was quite a bit of footage from the actual fighting and it made me a little sick to my stomach. There's this whole part where we are supposed to feel all victorious and whatnot because the Soviet's are being shot out of the sky. In a way this is good. The Afghan people are no longer defenseless against the brutal attacks that were taking so many innocent lives. Yet, at the same time I couldn't help but think of the Soviet soldiers who were dying and feeling sick. I don't know how to describe it. In the movie they showed 3 pilots in helicopters attacking an Afghan village (this was all re-enacted...not actual war footage) and they were portrayed as arrogrant, heartless jerks. They were talking about their girlfriends or whatever back home in a rather rude way as they were firing on the village. The helicopters of course are the first 3 that are blown up by the Afghan people with their new guns from the Americans.
This is where my sadness comes in. Even though it was terrible that the Soviet soldiers were killing so many Afghan people and I am sad for them, but I am also sad for the Soviet soldiers because under the Soviet regime they didn't really have a choice. They were either forced to fight or they were brainwashed to believe that what they were doing was right.
And so when the movie was listing how many Soviet planes and helicopters and tanks were blown up I wanted to cry.
I think I just don't like war.
On that note I am looking forward to being able to watch Passchendaele although I know that this movie will make me cry. For all the people who died: the "good guys" and the "bad guys".
We'll never break even so why not just, I don't know. Just clear the slate off, and start over. Forgive and forget the past things we've done to eachother. Well, don't forget because that would dishonour the dead, but let's forgive. Clean slate people. Clean slate.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Checking Items Off
So it's Tuesday and I have checked the following off my list:
*Riding bike to school with Megan--was fun, and nice, but hard work!
*Finished the Golden Compass today
*Am going to Little Bits in half an hour
*Got my paper back yesterday. Did way better than I ought to have. In fact, I firmly believe
that if I had handed that paper in to my highschool English teacher she would have made me
rewrite it and failed me anyway.
*Kim made it safely home
I can't believe it's Tuesday already!
*Riding bike to school with Megan--was fun, and nice, but hard work!
*Finished the Golden Compass today
*Am going to Little Bits in half an hour
*Got my paper back yesterday. Did way better than I ought to have. In fact, I firmly believe
that if I had handed that paper in to my highschool English teacher she would have made me
rewrite it and failed me anyway.
*Kim made it safely home
I can't believe it's Tuesday already!
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Upcoming
This week I am looking forward to:
* Last week of classes
* Maybe finding out if I am eligible for an interview to see if I am allowed to go to Winnipeg
* Little Bits on Tuesday
* Working Thursday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday so I can really get in the rhythm of it
* Riding my bike to school tomorrow with Megan
* Finishing The Golden Compass and starting whatever's next
* Cleaning my room on Friday
* The Project next Sunday
* Getting my paper back tomorrow (a little anxious about this one)
* Maybe my tax return will finally come
* and Kim getting safely to Ohio even though I still think she should be here
That's a pretty decent sized list. Especially since summer school is making me DREAD the week.
That's about it. Except I'm totally addicted to driving my new car.
* Last week of classes
* Maybe finding out if I am eligible for an interview to see if I am allowed to go to Winnipeg
* Little Bits on Tuesday
* Working Thursday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday so I can really get in the rhythm of it
* Riding my bike to school tomorrow with Megan
* Finishing The Golden Compass and starting whatever's next
* Cleaning my room on Friday
* The Project next Sunday
* Getting my paper back tomorrow (a little anxious about this one)
* Maybe my tax return will finally come
* and Kim getting safely to Ohio even though I still think she should be here
That's a pretty decent sized list. Especially since summer school is making me DREAD the week.
That's about it. Except I'm totally addicted to driving my new car.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Emily is PERFECT!
I volunteer for the Little Bits Therapeutic Riding Association as a sidewalker and leader, and it is probably the best 4 hours of my week.
As a side walker I walk alongside a horse named Spud and help a girl named Emily keep her balance. On the other side of Spud and Emily is another sidewalker named Annabritt, and leading Spud is a lady named Kath. I don't really know what Emily has, but I suspect maybe cerebral palsy. At any rate, Emily is an 18 year old girl who is confined to a wheelchair, but lives a very full life. She goes to school, she rides horses, she has swimming lessons. And my favorite part is that when Emily arrives someone asks her how she is and she replies very enthusiastically "I'm PERFECT!" with a huge grin on her face. She's enthusiastic about everything! When she's telling the instructor who she's riding and who's leading and who's sidewalking. When she's telling Spud to "walk on" or "whoa". It's her enthusiasm, her spirit.
It's so beautiful, and I wanted to share that. Emily is perfect.
Then, as a leader I go out to the pony pen and I catch poor old Prince and haul him into the stables where I brush him, clean his feet, and saddle him. The poor old guy is the cutest little pony who has an aura about him that seems to say "anywhere but here". He plods along. Riding Prince is a young boy named Ben. I don't really know what Ben has either, but I suspect autism. Ben is so cute. He loves 2 things: outside, and music. The thing with Ben is that if the horses stop for even a little bit he goes to climb off. So we've learnt that we can sing to him and it'll keep him on the horse, or we'll keep walking. However, today his mom told us he was sad. And Ben is never sad. But today he was. So the moment Ben got up on Prince he was ready to throw himself off, and he was making crying noises and it was just not Ben at all.
So I sang. For an hour. Straight. No stopping. The 2 sidewalkers chimed in a few times, and offered up song suggestions but mostly I just plodded along with old Prince and sang. And I actually impressed everyone (because EVERYONE could hear me) with the number of songs that I knew.
But those are my volunteering adventures. Emily is PERFECT! and I sang for Ben.
Life is beautiful.
As a side walker I walk alongside a horse named Spud and help a girl named Emily keep her balance. On the other side of Spud and Emily is another sidewalker named Annabritt, and leading Spud is a lady named Kath. I don't really know what Emily has, but I suspect maybe cerebral palsy. At any rate, Emily is an 18 year old girl who is confined to a wheelchair, but lives a very full life. She goes to school, she rides horses, she has swimming lessons. And my favorite part is that when Emily arrives someone asks her how she is and she replies very enthusiastically "I'm PERFECT!" with a huge grin on her face. She's enthusiastic about everything! When she's telling the instructor who she's riding and who's leading and who's sidewalking. When she's telling Spud to "walk on" or "whoa". It's her enthusiasm, her spirit.
It's so beautiful, and I wanted to share that. Emily is perfect.
Then, as a leader I go out to the pony pen and I catch poor old Prince and haul him into the stables where I brush him, clean his feet, and saddle him. The poor old guy is the cutest little pony who has an aura about him that seems to say "anywhere but here". He plods along. Riding Prince is a young boy named Ben. I don't really know what Ben has either, but I suspect autism. Ben is so cute. He loves 2 things: outside, and music. The thing with Ben is that if the horses stop for even a little bit he goes to climb off. So we've learnt that we can sing to him and it'll keep him on the horse, or we'll keep walking. However, today his mom told us he was sad. And Ben is never sad. But today he was. So the moment Ben got up on Prince he was ready to throw himself off, and he was making crying noises and it was just not Ben at all.
So I sang. For an hour. Straight. No stopping. The 2 sidewalkers chimed in a few times, and offered up song suggestions but mostly I just plodded along with old Prince and sang. And I actually impressed everyone (because EVERYONE could hear me) with the number of songs that I knew.
But those are my volunteering adventures. Emily is PERFECT! and I sang for Ben.
Life is beautiful.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
A Divine Thumbs Up OR When the Muffler Fell Off
So today my lil brother and I were heading back to the big ol' city from teeny tiny Breton and we were talking about my new car and how we both suffer from buyers regret when we purchase something expensive (and let's face it: a car is pretty much the most expensive thing I 've EVER bought...with the exception of 4 years of university tuition). Then just the itsy bitsy-est bit further along the road and we hit a medium sized bump and I look in my rear view mirror and there is my muffler (except I don't know that's what it is) rolling down the road behind me.
"wow, that bump took the bottom off my car!"
"ha ha, yup. It was close"
"No! Seriously! Look!"
"whoa! I thought you were joking"
"nope."
So then follows a five minute period of my roadside dramatics which ranges from dramatic screams, fake sobbing, dragging my feet through the mud, and hysterical laughter, while my brother calls my dad to inform him of the latest katies-car-update. (I hear my brother say "So, Katie's muffler just fell off" and my dad starts laughing.)
So anyway. I think that God was telling me not to feel guilty for buying a new car, and the clearest way He could think of doing this was to just drop my muffler on the side of the road.
So ultimately: I can't wait til Wednesday!!
"wow, that bump took the bottom off my car!"
"ha ha, yup. It was close"
"No! Seriously! Look!"
"whoa! I thought you were joking"
"nope."
So then follows a five minute period of my roadside dramatics which ranges from dramatic screams, fake sobbing, dragging my feet through the mud, and hysterical laughter, while my brother calls my dad to inform him of the latest katies-car-update. (I hear my brother say "So, Katie's muffler just fell off" and my dad starts laughing.)
So anyway. I think that God was telling me not to feel guilty for buying a new car, and the clearest way He could think of doing this was to just drop my muffler on the side of the road.
So ultimately: I can't wait til Wednesday!!
Friday, May 23, 2008
The Invisible Man
Today I bought a new car, which seems incredibly ridiculous to me. I'm not supposed to do something like that! Yet, as I was driving home in my old car thinking "Wow, when I go back to Edmonton it will be my last trip to Edmonton in this car" I couldn't help but feel that somehow I was passing some sort of "rite of passage". A societal landmark, like highschool graduation is supposed to be.
Which makes me think: wow. I graduated from highschool pretty much 4 years ago, and it is now a distant memory, a rather un-impressive achievement in fact. And in 7 months I will graduate from my nursing program which will overshadow the whole car buying thing. What milestones have I got to look forward to after my BScN?? (this may not be clear to you, but it is clear to me that a list is in order):
--in 8 months I will have passed (crosses fingers) my Canadian Registered Nurse Exam (300 multiple choice questions...shudder)
--in 63 months I will have paid off the car that I bought
--in an unknown number of months I will have paid off my student loan
--in 12 months Miss Molly/Nicole will be getting married
--perhaps in 15 months I shall go to Haiti to work with Dr. Mano
--one day maybe I'll go to Europe
--hmmm...in 2010 we talked about having a CBC reunion at the 2010 Vancouver winter Olympics...so we should do that
--and perhaps one day I'll do the other "milestones" of growing up like getting married, buying a house, having kids, etc. Those all sound like fun adventures.
There's so much to look forward to in life, but right now I'm going to live in right now. I'm going to be excited about my new car (who's name is Charlie *pronounced with an accent that makes the 'r' really soft--so it sounds like Claire from Lost is saying it*)!
Now for 2 short stories that make me laugh when I think of them:
1. At work yesterday Heather (who is training me) made me talk to real customers and she would remind me to say something like "Ask how they will be paying" And I would say "How will you be paying?" And it just made me laugh because the poor customer heard everything twice. Once I even repeated what Heather said and then added "I'm really sorry that I'm just parrotting everything she says" And the customer said it was ok, and Heather laughed.
2. Today, my dad came and helped me negotiate for my car, since I would have just taken whatever the original price was not knowing what it was appropriate to ask for. However, when my dad left to go run his errands he told me to agree if the guy would come down another $150.00. So I said my piece and the salesman (Justin) went to talk to the manager, and came back and told me the manager would give me $100 since he has a soft spot for students. So I agreed. And then after Justin was saying that he was surprised his manager had gone for it, and that he had been pretty tough to get to the agreement and I said "Wow, your manager just seems like a really mean man! He's like the banker off of Deal or No Deal...some invisible scary man sitting in an office making decisions!" Justin assured me his manager was in no way a mean man. When I told my mom this story she just laughed and said "You actually told him he was a mean man?" Maybe I shouldn't have said that...but it's how I felt. If you don't want people to think you're mean don't be invisible.
Which makes me think: wow. I graduated from highschool pretty much 4 years ago, and it is now a distant memory, a rather un-impressive achievement in fact. And in 7 months I will graduate from my nursing program which will overshadow the whole car buying thing. What milestones have I got to look forward to after my BScN?? (this may not be clear to you, but it is clear to me that a list is in order):
--in 8 months I will have passed (crosses fingers) my Canadian Registered Nurse Exam (300 multiple choice questions...shudder)
--in 63 months I will have paid off the car that I bought
--in an unknown number of months I will have paid off my student loan
--in 12 months Miss Molly/Nicole will be getting married
--perhaps in 15 months I shall go to Haiti to work with Dr. Mano
--one day maybe I'll go to Europe
--hmmm...in 2010 we talked about having a CBC reunion at the 2010 Vancouver winter Olympics...so we should do that
--and perhaps one day I'll do the other "milestones" of growing up like getting married, buying a house, having kids, etc. Those all sound like fun adventures.
There's so much to look forward to in life, but right now I'm going to live in right now. I'm going to be excited about my new car (who's name is Charlie *pronounced with an accent that makes the 'r' really soft--so it sounds like Claire from Lost is saying it*)!
Now for 2 short stories that make me laugh when I think of them:
1. At work yesterday Heather (who is training me) made me talk to real customers and she would remind me to say something like "Ask how they will be paying" And I would say "How will you be paying?" And it just made me laugh because the poor customer heard everything twice. Once I even repeated what Heather said and then added "I'm really sorry that I'm just parrotting everything she says" And the customer said it was ok, and Heather laughed.
2. Today, my dad came and helped me negotiate for my car, since I would have just taken whatever the original price was not knowing what it was appropriate to ask for. However, when my dad left to go run his errands he told me to agree if the guy would come down another $150.00. So I said my piece and the salesman (Justin) went to talk to the manager, and came back and told me the manager would give me $100 since he has a soft spot for students. So I agreed. And then after Justin was saying that he was surprised his manager had gone for it, and that he had been pretty tough to get to the agreement and I said "Wow, your manager just seems like a really mean man! He's like the banker off of Deal or No Deal...some invisible scary man sitting in an office making decisions!" Justin assured me his manager was in no way a mean man. When I told my mom this story she just laughed and said "You actually told him he was a mean man?" Maybe I shouldn't have said that...but it's how I felt. If you don't want people to think you're mean don't be invisible.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Mosquito Bite
Today as I sat in my lecture on disaster planning I realized I had a mosquito bite on my toe. That made my already tortuous class a little bit more torturous since every time I wiggled my toe it became itchier and itchier.
I wonder why something is not itchy until you know it is there. It seems rather strange. The mind is very powerful, but how can it be that it just creates an itch because you see a red dot? That seems ridiculous!
My mind is powerful but it's thinks up the silliest things.
And now writing about this has made my toe itchy again, and proven that even blogger.com can't make me sound articulate and wise.
And I think maybe I have another bite on my ankle. It's driving me crazy!
I wonder why something is not itchy until you know it is there. It seems rather strange. The mind is very powerful, but how can it be that it just creates an itch because you see a red dot? That seems ridiculous!
My mind is powerful but it's thinks up the silliest things.
And now writing about this has made my toe itchy again, and proven that even blogger.com can't make me sound articulate and wise.
And I think maybe I have another bite on my ankle. It's driving me crazy!
Monday, May 19, 2008
Dotty
I'm feeling dotty right now. So my template will remain dotty until my headspace changes.
I have been reading blogs and I am in awe of how incredibly thoughtful and articulate my friends are, and I want to be like that. So I'm copying them, and starting a blog over here because somehow that will make me thoughtful and articulate too.
I'm going to write my paper now.
I have been reading blogs and I am in awe of how incredibly thoughtful and articulate my friends are, and I want to be like that. So I'm copying them, and starting a blog over here because somehow that will make me thoughtful and articulate too.
I'm going to write my paper now.
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