I thought I slept well last night.
I think I thought wrong.
I am so TIRED.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
If You Nap all Day is it Still a Nap?
I don't even care if it's not a nap if you nap all day...I had 5 days off, and they were relatively busy, and now worked 1 day, and have 1 off (for babysitting) and then work and then on Saturday I'm going to a Introduction to the Enneagram (it's a personality thing that I expect to tell me why I'm a bad decision maker and only make plans that never get followed through...so just you wait...I'll be living overseas by Monday!)
Actually, I work Monday. And babysit next wednesday, and work Thursday and Friday and babysit saturday and work monday and tuesday and thursday and saturday and sunday and monday and tuesday and thursday. Then March is over.
I think I'd like March to be over NOW. Then I can go to Norquay and see lovely people and, Psalms are soothing, and by then I'm going to need soothing. Or the world will have become all Psalm 88 on me. It's only been all Psalm 88 on me once before, and I'd rather not go back there.
Speaking of Bible-y things, I realized that I wrote a panicked blog about having no ideas for Lent and never wrote the next one about having too many ideas for Lent, or the one after that about how I couldn't narrow them down and now have like 4 things for Lent.
1. Added: random acts of kindess every day...which is challenging, in a couple ways: I did it last year, and mostly did things that I was comfortable with, helping people who I am close to already. This year I'm trying to edge out of my comfort zone and do things for people I don't totally know all that well. It's also challenging because I tend to be all-or-nothing and I seem to think that my random acts HAVE to be huge lifechanging events, and I forget that little random acts like, calling my grandparents are good things to include and not at all cop-outs.
2. Subracted: weighing myself. Because that is a negative way in which I measure my value, and I truly believe that God wants me to measure my value in some sort of qualitative way that has nothing to do with weight.
3. Added: working on some scripture memorization, specifically the Sermon on the Mount, while also going through my Sermon on the Mount class notes from CBC. I've pretty much acknowledged that I'm not going to get through all 3 chapters, but I am at least halfway through the 1st chapter (although...technically that part is just re-memerizing what Kristina and I learnt while walking in Spain), but it is something good to dwell on...even though sometimes, when I'm falling asleep and trying to recite it, somehow it becomes the ABC's..."Now when Jesus saw the crowds he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him and began to teach them. He said, "ABCDEFG..."' Yeah. That's the NEW TNIV version.
4. Subracted: all beverages except water, this was an idea someone else had to remind them to be greatful for the water we have and the abundance we have in general, because so many people in the world do not have clean, fresh water available. At first I really missed juice and pop and coffee. And my boss tried to convince me that tea is really just water with salad in it. But I'm keeping on, and it is getting easier. I had a coffee on Sunday, and it was good, but didn't make me want to leap of the wagon. I'm getting by on water, and truly do appreciate the fact that it is available along with so many other things.
That is all. I suppose I ought to let my dog out and then go to sleep. If I can't nap all day, I'm sure as heck gonna try to nap all night!
Actually, I work Monday. And babysit next wednesday, and work Thursday and Friday and babysit saturday and work monday and tuesday and thursday and saturday and sunday and monday and tuesday and thursday. Then March is over.
I think I'd like March to be over NOW. Then I can go to Norquay and see lovely people and, Psalms are soothing, and by then I'm going to need soothing. Or the world will have become all Psalm 88 on me. It's only been all Psalm 88 on me once before, and I'd rather not go back there.
Speaking of Bible-y things, I realized that I wrote a panicked blog about having no ideas for Lent and never wrote the next one about having too many ideas for Lent, or the one after that about how I couldn't narrow them down and now have like 4 things for Lent.
1. Added: random acts of kindess every day...which is challenging, in a couple ways: I did it last year, and mostly did things that I was comfortable with, helping people who I am close to already. This year I'm trying to edge out of my comfort zone and do things for people I don't totally know all that well. It's also challenging because I tend to be all-or-nothing and I seem to think that my random acts HAVE to be huge lifechanging events, and I forget that little random acts like, calling my grandparents are good things to include and not at all cop-outs.
2. Subracted: weighing myself. Because that is a negative way in which I measure my value, and I truly believe that God wants me to measure my value in some sort of qualitative way that has nothing to do with weight.
3. Added: working on some scripture memorization, specifically the Sermon on the Mount, while also going through my Sermon on the Mount class notes from CBC. I've pretty much acknowledged that I'm not going to get through all 3 chapters, but I am at least halfway through the 1st chapter (although...technically that part is just re-memerizing what Kristina and I learnt while walking in Spain), but it is something good to dwell on...even though sometimes, when I'm falling asleep and trying to recite it, somehow it becomes the ABC's..."Now when Jesus saw the crowds he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him and began to teach them. He said, "ABCDEFG..."' Yeah. That's the NEW TNIV version.
4. Subracted: all beverages except water, this was an idea someone else had to remind them to be greatful for the water we have and the abundance we have in general, because so many people in the world do not have clean, fresh water available. At first I really missed juice and pop and coffee. And my boss tried to convince me that tea is really just water with salad in it. But I'm keeping on, and it is getting easier. I had a coffee on Sunday, and it was good, but didn't make me want to leap of the wagon. I'm getting by on water, and truly do appreciate the fact that it is available along with so many other things.
That is all. I suppose I ought to let my dog out and then go to sleep. If I can't nap all day, I'm sure as heck gonna try to nap all night!
Sunday, March 4, 2012
What Makes Blue?
Blue. It's how I've been feeling. My sinus thing keeps coming and going, and when it's here the pressure is so intense with the occasional stabbing pain in my ear. I wish I knew if it is because of allergies or some sort of infection I can't shake. I suppose it means another dr visit. Sigh. The worst part of making a dr appointment is the whole trying to get ahold of them thing...I always end up on hold for 10 minutes and then get told to leave a message and never get called back. Although, I shouldn't complain, since in Edmonton I got to experience the joys of NOT having a GP and the walk-in clinics you get to deal with instead.
This whole church plant thing has me on the verge of hysterics. Ugly-crying-hysterics. I know it is a fabulous thing that the church is able to expand and reach out to the city in another location, but it is taking ALL my new friends from church and some of my dearest old friends. I don't have the time, level of commitment, or the skills needed for being a part of the church plant, so I just get to say goodbye to everyone. And I am not a crazy die hard fan of that. It makes me just want to vanish into the background and hide out somewhere so that goodbyes just don't have to happen. Yay for withdrawing! Lifesaver.
I think I have decided that I LOVE the transplant part of my job...which is kind of sad because as much as I love the transplant part, it's not the only part, and I don't love the other part as much. I think it's incredible though. Ooh, ear stab.
Tomorrow is a Briony day. I'm psyched. She usually jumps around all excitedly when I show up...which is heartwarming, and who can stay blue when someone ADORABLE is excited to see you. Who can be blue then?
G'night.
This whole church plant thing has me on the verge of hysterics. Ugly-crying-hysterics. I know it is a fabulous thing that the church is able to expand and reach out to the city in another location, but it is taking ALL my new friends from church and some of my dearest old friends. I don't have the time, level of commitment, or the skills needed for being a part of the church plant, so I just get to say goodbye to everyone. And I am not a crazy die hard fan of that. It makes me just want to vanish into the background and hide out somewhere so that goodbyes just don't have to happen. Yay for withdrawing! Lifesaver.
I think I have decided that I LOVE the transplant part of my job...which is kind of sad because as much as I love the transplant part, it's not the only part, and I don't love the other part as much. I think it's incredible though. Ooh, ear stab.
Tomorrow is a Briony day. I'm psyched. She usually jumps around all excitedly when I show up...which is heartwarming, and who can stay blue when someone ADORABLE is excited to see you. Who can be blue then?
G'night.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Step 1: Apologize
When I was 11 I moved. I don't know how, but in my first 11 years of life I was friends with the cool kids, and obliviously niave...not just niave, obliviously so. I didn't even know I was niave.
So, when I moved to my new town, where there were only 20 other kids in my class I had quite the learning curve, I slowly picked up on things, always too afraid to ask my friends what they meant, but I'm a smart cookie, so caught on to most things eventually.
Sadly, early on, when I first arrived in grade 6 I had very few fiends. I was picked on. I was terrified. I just followed along, and flew under the radar. Anything to avoid attention because attention was negative. That's why, when my classmates bullied a boy in our class I did nothing. I don't remember ever doing anything to him, I don't remember ever talking to him myself. He may have spoken to me once, and I think I wasn't my normal overaccomodating self, maybe rude. I didn't really understand why. My classmates had been bullying this boy for a while. We had to go to group counselling and the police had to talk to a class of 12 years olds about harrassment. Someone stomped on his foot and broke it. Someone stabbed him with a pencil. Someone threatened him with a lighter and bugspray, or some sort of thing that was never really clear. Someone vandalised his locker. He had no friends.
He was called a "fag".
I was afraid and new and all manner of excuses.
I probably laughed a few times when people said something cruel so that I might fit in, or at least not stand out.
I may have been passive, but I feel like I contributed to what is going on now. I don't watch/read/listen to the news, and yet I know that kids across North America are committing suicide because people are bullying them. They are bullied about whatever other people don't like about them. A lot of the kids in the news today were bullied about their sexual preferences. The boy in my class was transferred to a different school because we were intolerable.
Listening to the news, and watching the most recent episode of Glee, has had me thinking for the last few days about the issue. I don't understand why the people who are considered "straight" feel so entitled to abuse others. Schools and religious groups make a huge deal about who can say about the issues or ignore them all together, and so people SUFFER.
Really and truly I don't even think the boy in my class was gay. I don't know. And it really doesn't matter because someone decided to give him that label and he was treated horribly.
And I've been thinking, what if the actual answer to the bullying was if we, the grown ups, started apologizing to the people we hurt when we were young. Or are hurting now. What if we stood up for people being bullied. What if kids saw us regretting the things we did? Would they see that ostracising and mocking people who are not "just like me" is something they will one day regret?
I don't know if it will make a difference. But what if, step 1 is apologizing?
Pierre Maltais, I don't know where you are or how you are and I can't take back what was done in grade 6, but I deeply regret never standing up and passively going along with what we did to you. You deserve to have found wonderful people to share life with, and I hope you haven't let our 12 year old selves hold you back.
It is stupid to believe that one apology that no one will read can make a difference, but I am choosing to hope that the world can change, that instead of legislating children's intereactions they will learn from their parents to interact with compassion and love.
Those are my thoughts. And that's my apology. My ownership of responsibility.
Do you need to step up to the plate and help spread a whole new attitude of compassion and love? To change the future. I love the idea of making a future so unlike our past that the news makes us smile...
So, when I moved to my new town, where there were only 20 other kids in my class I had quite the learning curve, I slowly picked up on things, always too afraid to ask my friends what they meant, but I'm a smart cookie, so caught on to most things eventually.
Sadly, early on, when I first arrived in grade 6 I had very few fiends. I was picked on. I was terrified. I just followed along, and flew under the radar. Anything to avoid attention because attention was negative. That's why, when my classmates bullied a boy in our class I did nothing. I don't remember ever doing anything to him, I don't remember ever talking to him myself. He may have spoken to me once, and I think I wasn't my normal overaccomodating self, maybe rude. I didn't really understand why. My classmates had been bullying this boy for a while. We had to go to group counselling and the police had to talk to a class of 12 years olds about harrassment. Someone stomped on his foot and broke it. Someone stabbed him with a pencil. Someone threatened him with a lighter and bugspray, or some sort of thing that was never really clear. Someone vandalised his locker. He had no friends.
He was called a "fag".
I was afraid and new and all manner of excuses.
I probably laughed a few times when people said something cruel so that I might fit in, or at least not stand out.
I may have been passive, but I feel like I contributed to what is going on now. I don't watch/read/listen to the news, and yet I know that kids across North America are committing suicide because people are bullying them. They are bullied about whatever other people don't like about them. A lot of the kids in the news today were bullied about their sexual preferences. The boy in my class was transferred to a different school because we were intolerable.
Listening to the news, and watching the most recent episode of Glee, has had me thinking for the last few days about the issue. I don't understand why the people who are considered "straight" feel so entitled to abuse others. Schools and religious groups make a huge deal about who can say about the issues or ignore them all together, and so people SUFFER.
Really and truly I don't even think the boy in my class was gay. I don't know. And it really doesn't matter because someone decided to give him that label and he was treated horribly.
And I've been thinking, what if the actual answer to the bullying was if we, the grown ups, started apologizing to the people we hurt when we were young. Or are hurting now. What if we stood up for people being bullied. What if kids saw us regretting the things we did? Would they see that ostracising and mocking people who are not "just like me" is something they will one day regret?
I don't know if it will make a difference. But what if, step 1 is apologizing?
Pierre Maltais, I don't know where you are or how you are and I can't take back what was done in grade 6, but I deeply regret never standing up and passively going along with what we did to you. You deserve to have found wonderful people to share life with, and I hope you haven't let our 12 year old selves hold you back.
It is stupid to believe that one apology that no one will read can make a difference, but I am choosing to hope that the world can change, that instead of legislating children's intereactions they will learn from their parents to interact with compassion and love.
Those are my thoughts. And that's my apology. My ownership of responsibility.
Do you need to step up to the plate and help spread a whole new attitude of compassion and love? To change the future. I love the idea of making a future so unlike our past that the news makes us smile...
Sunday, February 19, 2012
A Day for the Books
Kristina and I may have scared a lot of little children...but we caught Fred Penner's eye! (He made eye contact with us as we sang along to "Sandwiches" and after gave us hugs and told us he liked our energy.
FRED PENNER!!
That's right. A day for the books.
I have also mostly sorted out my Lent issues, and just have to decide that I can commit to what I've come up with (with assistance).
FRED PENNER!!
That's right. A day for the books.
I have also mostly sorted out my Lent issues, and just have to decide that I can commit to what I've come up with (with assistance).
It Sneaks Up Every Year
Every year Lent sneaks up on me. Perhaps it's my non-liturgial lifestyle. I always remember Epiphany (my birthday) but less about what it is (perhaps a refresher on the church calendar is in order...)!
Anyway. Lent. The sneaky season of Lent. I always find myself about 2 days away from Ash Wednesday, realizing it's Ash Wednesday and I have NO IDEA what to give up/take on for Lent this year.
It is definitely TIME TO PANIC!
Anyway. Lent. The sneaky season of Lent. I always find myself about 2 days away from Ash Wednesday, realizing it's Ash Wednesday and I have NO IDEA what to give up/take on for Lent this year.
It is definitely TIME TO PANIC!
Friday, February 10, 2012
40 Below Zero
Not quite 50 (sorry Mr. Munsch), but chilly nonetheless.
I have heard it said, "After -10 (or other unreasonably warm temperature) it's all the same."
I do not agree.
There is "cool", "cold", "colder" and "I am not going outside".
These descriptors are not consistently defined by any of the temperature markers, but are more dependent on my mood and my planned activity for the day. So, when the world revolves around me meteorologists will have to actually be trained in psychology in order to actually predict the weather (or how it will be interpreted and forecasted).
I should go now.
I have heard it said, "After -10 (or other unreasonably warm temperature) it's all the same."
I do not agree.
There is "cool", "cold", "colder" and "I am not going outside".
These descriptors are not consistently defined by any of the temperature markers, but are more dependent on my mood and my planned activity for the day. So, when the world revolves around me meteorologists will have to actually be trained in psychology in order to actually predict the weather (or how it will be interpreted and forecasted).
I should go now.
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