Relationships have been on my mind a lot. They are strange things, especially when you are out to try to label them. (This is so not a DTR discussion!)
My brother got married this spring, and I went out and met his family-in-law. Lovely people, who were kind and welcoming and nice to meet. But, they are my brother's in-laws, so, barring any terrible tragedy, I will NEVER see most of them again. What kind of a relationship is that? I suppose it's not one, or does it fall under some category of "casual aquaintances with family connections"? Is there such a category?
As close friends get married I am troubled by their husbands and how they fit into the whole picture. "This is so-and-so, my friend's husband" Are they my friends too? Some of them, yes, I can say that they can fall in the friends category, but, the majority of them? I hope I never have to introduce them to everyone, I'd feel kind of awkward saying "This is my friend..." but, feel kind of rude saying, "This is s0-and-so's husband" because that really and truly is our only connection. Plus, there is the whole aspect where this husband of your friend probably knows a lot more about you and random bits of your life than you would have shared, so they know A LOT more about just how silly you are, than you know about them. Which changes the entire game! They know a lot about you, therefore they should be considered a friend...because I wouldn't want an enemy or a random stranger to know what they know!
I know I'm obsessing, but defining these relationships (see, not defining THE relationship...so still not a DTR talk) helps me know what is socially appropriate. When someone is on the verge of tears and you really just want to give them a hug, and say you're sorry, and offer comfort but you're not entirely sure if the relationship is strictly defined by the role you play in their life or as an actual friendship...then what do you do?
There should be a rule book complete with the appropriate behaviours and things to say/do in various situations with various types of relationships. When is a coworker a friend? How do you act towards the person who is way out of your league, but you like anyway? What about those people on the fringes? The ones who might be friends but you are completely unsure of how they view you? WHAT DO YOU DO????
Perhaps it doesn't matter, this is coming from the girl who tried to be mean to someone, felt guilty because she was being so mean, and then received a thank you note from the target of her meanness. So, it is very possible, that no matter how I act, or treat people, it will be interpreted all wrong, despite my efforts.
Maybe I should just keep acting how I do, and then let everyone else worry about whether or not I am their friend...hmm...this sounds promising.
