Excel

Oy.

I'm trying to set up a budget thinger so I can make sure that I'm going to be able to pay off my student loans and pay all my bills without running out of money. But I have no idea what I'm doing with the Excel program. Grr. So I just a few columns of stuff that I added up, and subtracted. And there's a red number. It's not pretty.

Oh well, at least now I have a better idea of how much money I can spend until I get paid again next week.
None.
Well, I also have a credit card that is completely paid, so I technically have all that money that I don't actually have to spend. Credit cards are dangerous that way.
Very dangerous.

Like standing too close to Wile E. Coyote when he's about to try and blow up Road Runner dangerous.

Well, actually I think that since I am going to get paid before my next bills are withdrawn I actually have some. It's kind of nice to have bills at the beginning and the end of the month...but maybe it'd be better to have them all at the beginning. I don't know.

See, and now I'm all like "What about March?" How does March fit into my spreadsheet? Why didn't I learn this in highschool? Did I learn this in highschool? If so, Why didn't I pay attention?

Argh.. It's nice outside. I think I'm going to go there now.

Fleeting

It's truly unfortunate that we live in a place and time ruled by FOIPP and PHIA legislation that is based up our desires to keep things to ourselves. This desire to remain hidden from our fellow human beings (I believe) contributes to the wealth of problems the people in our culture face. It causes truly heartbreaking, beautiful, and terrifying stories to remain untold, unshared. The stories I've seen will be told and shared by the people in them, but no one else will see the beauty, or shed tears for the brokenhearted, or reflect on the disturbing.

Today, a wonderful thing happened for a man who truly deserves it, but somewhere else someone who does not deserve it is experiencing great pain.

Today, a sister is going to recieve a gift from her sister that will improve her quality of life, and will serve as a constant reminder of the sister she lost.

Today, every time I walk past a room and picture the man in the bed and his 2 security guards and think of how Christ said that to even be angry with someone is equal to murder...and I try to remember than in this way I am just as guilty as he is...but I still shudder.

Vague details from complex and diverse situations. Bringing tears to my eyes.
It's hard to be a nurse. To be this inside of stories you can't share. Stories you can only hope you remember, and yet know that soon new stories will take the places of these, because while they are huge things in the lives of the ones they belong to, they are fleeting moments in my story. Shaping me, making me into the me that I will be for a little while, but unable to share fully with others to say "This is why I'm who I am, these people created pieces of me."

Share. Share a little of your day. Share a little of who you are, because you are the only one who can.

p.s. Jennie, I have your blog open in another window so that I can listen to your playlist...it's so wonderful. Like you!

Un-Profoundness

So, since last updating I have: turned 23, moved to Winnipeg, started a real job--or at least gone to a week and a half of orientation for said job--, frozen my butt off in Winnipeg, gone skating at The Forks, made waffles and corn chowder and chocolate chip pancakes and french toast(not all at once, or in that order) with my roommates, watched a million movies, gone to church twice, watched a lot of Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice (this weeks Private Practice ended with a song by Sigur Ros!!!!!), and watched the season premiere of LOST.

And now I'm going to cut this update short and go to Tim Horton's with some of my roommates. Since they are pressuring me into coming.

Tomorrow I go to my first day on my unit at the hospital. I'm a little nervous about that, but not really thinking about it. Ha! And this morning, staffing called me at 6:30 to see if I would come do a day shift...I didn't answer my phone. I hope this is not going to be a regular occurence, but I'm pretty sure it will be.

I'll perhaps try to find something profound and wise to say in a little bit. Like later. Or next month.

Where to Begin?

Yesterday my brother and I went to the city to do some important Christmas shopping (his girlfriend). And I found the Boney M Christmas soundtrack on CD (my mom has the tape and her tape player won't play it anymore...plus you don't have to flip the CD ever!). So I spent today making candy cane popcorn, nanaimo bars and listening to 80's Christmas music. (80's Jamaican *?* Christmas music?)I also went skiing and have been reading Sense and Sensibility.
"Now, how on earth can she be spending so much time doing nothing useful?" you may be wondering.

It's cuz i'm DONE SCHOOL! And won't be starting my new job in Winnipeg until January 12th. (but I've discovered that I am rather fond of this whole no obligations life and maybe will just find some way to get married and have babies instead of working.)

I'm quite terrified be the whole idea of Winnipeg, but it's this crazy thing that I am supposed to actually do. One day I prayed and asked for some sort of reassurance that it was the right choice and the next day I went to Ft. Edmonton park for the Storytellers Festival and there were tonnes of things about Winnipeg there. So I decided that yeah, I should go. But lately I've been having serious doubts for various reasons (fear, it's not easy to move across the country in January, walks around parks filled with Christmas lights in the snow...). And oddly whenever I was seriously considering staying Winnipeg references would come up. My patients would say something about it, or wear a T-shirt that says "Winnipeg". So, i'm thinking that there is something for me to learn out there. Or my mind is just desperately grasping at straws to rationalise this plan of mine. Ha.
But really I am so excited about my job and the people I am going to get to share this next part of my life with.

Anyway, I haven't got anything really profound to share. Just whatever the future holds. I'll try and keep you updated.

What's In a Name?

This week (and of course by week I mean weekend) at the hospital I have had a patient who knows my name. I introduced myself when I was first assigned to him on Friday and he told me that his mother had my name (which makes it a lot easier to remember). So really, I guess not all that remarkable. But then, he uses my name. He calls me by my name. He introduced me to his wife and daughter by my name and now they call me by my name. Today they said "Hi Katie, how are you today?"

It's made me realize that we (or at least I) don't name people a lot. In most of my e-mails and text messages I say "Hey" or "Hello" and then blast off into whatever the message is going to say. On the unit it's "8 bed 1 wants a pain killer, 14 needs to go to the bathroom, 32 needs to be turned" Which I understand because it's the best way to keep everything straight...trying to remember where 19 patients are (when they can change daily) is hard, but I tend to try to say "Mrs. X in 8-1 wants a pain killer, Mr. V in 14 needs to go to the bathroom, etc"

Because it's great to be named. I think it's fantastic that Mr. H calls me Katie, says "good morning Katie" and introduces me to his visitors.

It's interesting.
And I'm going to try to use peoples names more often. So that maybe they'll feel special too. Or maybe it's just me...and I'm crazy.

from the hospital

It's my 2nd of 3 night shifts and tonight i'm on first break which means i'm on break from 0130 to 0300. So I decided I had better update since Katie does read this.

For starters: if you find yourself wondering when you can watch a nice old shoot-em-up movie I can tell you that CBC has them on like right now.

My schooling is apparently picking up speed. I've passed my midterm evaluation and am aiming for December 11th as my last shift as a student (and for the record Sunday night is going to be the LAST night shift I work without being paid!) And once the school is done I guess I have to start real life...and what better place to start real life than Winnipeg? (ok, so there are probably way more exciting, exotic, or warmer places...but I think Winnipeg is a good place to start for me). I just have to update my resume and actually send it. I keep procrastinating. Shame on me.

Hospitals are very quiet at night. And dark.

I've recently become very addicted to Prison Break. My roommate Kyle and I watched all of Season 1 in less than a week and then the moment we finished it he went and got the 2nd season from our neighbours. But he took the 2nd disc with him to Vermillion for the weekend. Not impressed (although I didn't even realize he had taken it until he told me in a text message today...but I feel that I ought to be unimpressed on principle). It's a good story. Dthat's pretty easy to get caught in. And it helps that Michael is really really good looking. And an engineer. And you know what they say about nurses and engineers (ok so I don't actually know what they say about nurses and engineers so if you do...please enlighten me!)

So instead of noticing that disc 2 was missing I watched Penelope. It was a cute movie and I liked the story but by far the best part (and the only person I know who would actually appreciate this little story is Aaron and i'm not sure if he reads this...) was at the end of the movie when he just realizes it's her and the background music starts to play. Like 3 notes in i'm standing up on the couch yelling "It's Hoppipola!!" Great song.

I feel so random and disconnected tonight. And while my phone is great because I get to sit in the lounge chair with a warm blanket (probably the best part about being in the hospital...I'm telling you! If you ever have to be in the hospital ask for a warm blanket every chance you can, you'll regret it otherwise)but my phone screen doesn't really give me an accurate impression of just how much I am making you read. So I think I shall just end here for now and start updating more frequently.

0400

In a desperate bid to stay awake on her break Katie Swan tried to update her blog but quickly realized she had nothing to say and succumb to the incredible weight of her eyelids.